July 26

Happy Anniversary Gina!  It has been four wonderful years.

Break on through to the other side

 

Around 10pm tonight, my grandma took her last breath.

Shortly after my post on Monday she relapsed and was moved back into ICU.  By Tuesday night, my grandma had decided it was her time to go.  Overall, her chances of regaining any quality of life had deceased significantly and she made the decision to stop all treatment on Wednesday morning.  Instead, she was given morphine to help her painlessly drift away.  They had thought it would take anywhere from 24-48 hours (mainly because dialysis was stopped).

Wednesday night, Gina and I were able to say our goodbyes.  At that point, the morphine had kicked in and she was no longer truly awake.  While the morphine helped her tremendously it also eliminated any two way communication, as she basically slept.  However, I still got the sense that she could hear us talk to her which I am thankful about.

My mom and her siblings were able to individually say goodbye to her earlier in the day when she was still aware and could respond on some level to them.

After spending much of the last couple of weeks at the hospital, we (Gina, the girls and I) left the hospital tonight around 8:30pm as nothing had changed with her all day.  I was planning to head back up very early tomorrow morning with the girls.  Shortly after getting home is when we got the call from my dad.  I wish I was there but much of the family was still around which I am happy about.  My grandpa had spent about a half hour with her alone just before she passed away.  Gina and I both believe that her letting go so abruptly had a lot to do with whatever he said to her during that time.

Considering everything that she was fighting over the last couple of years, we are so blessed to have had her with us as long as we did (and Gina and I are especially grateful that she was able to get to know both Natalie and Macie).  She was an amazing person.

My mom, Matt and Morgan were in the room when it happened.  However, the rest of the family was able to get to the room just seconds later.  After being in a comfortable rest for over 24 hours, she opened her eyes and stared up at the ceiling just before she took her last breath.  I was told it was very peaceful.

About ten years ago, I gave both my grandparents memories books to fill out if they wanted to.  My grandma was the only one to do it and she did an incredible job answering questions, adding pictures from her childhood, etc.

I have not read it yet.

For so long, I told myself that I wanted to wait until she was gone to go through it.  I thought that if I had something to look forward to after we lost her it might help me heal.  Looking back, I wish I would have sat down with her and asked her about all the answers that I undoubtedly would have wanted to learn more about.

There is good news in all of this though.  My grandma lost her mother in childbirth and was raised by her aunt Louise.  My guess is that shortly after finding my grandpa tonight, she went looking for her mom and then her aunt and she's probably having a wonderful time with them right now. 

While I (and the rest of my extended family) will miss her incredibly, she was at peace with her decision.  Without being selfish on some level, there is not much more we could ask for.

I love you grandma.

A few decades down and a handful more to go

I was reading through Elena's archives one night a few weeks back when I stumbled across her very first blog entry.  It was about turning 30.  I liked the premise of the post and seeing as I turn 30 this month I figured it would be fun to do something similar. 

I'm having more trouble letting go of my 20s then I had expected.  Saying that I am 30 (as of today) feels weird to me.  I don't necessarily know why.

Hopefully, after I am done writing this post I will feel a little better about this year's birthday (by looking back at some moments from my past and documenting some of the exciting milestones I still hope to accomplish in the years to come).

Accomplishments of note (to date) in no particular order:
- I have followed through on my education goals, earning a bachelor's (from NDSU in 2000) and a master's (from Hamline in 2005) degree
- I have a wonderful wife and have now been happily married for four years
- I have two amazing daughters
- I have a dog and he has a fenced in backyard (it's something I always wanted)
- I played one season of Division II college baseball at NDSU (my gaudy career stats were: 2 for 6 with a walk)
- I have known many of my closest friends for over half of my life
- I've attended five baseball games at Fenway Park (including two vs the Yankees) and I have seen both the Twins and Red Sox win World Series Championships
- I've seen many of the bands/artists I've always wanted to see in concert (> 60 in total)
- I have been to twenty-four states (including Washington D.C.)
- I have a hole-in-one on my golf resume

*Future hopes of note in no particular order:
- Take and extended vacation later in life, with Gina, to Europe (at a minimum spending time in Italy and Switzerland)
- Become lower then a ten handicap in golf (when I stopped playing regularly five or six years ago I was an eleven).  If I start playing more when I get older I hope to get under a five.
- Bowl a 300 game (I've had twelve strikes in a row before, but not all in the same game...eleven is the most I've had)
- Learn to play the guitar (it's been a goal of mine for years and will likely never happen...but it's nice to dream)
- To see my girls become women

*I was surprised at how hard it was for me to come up with future hopes.  Thinking about it more, I am quite alright with that.  I think it means that I haven't decided exactly what I am hoping my life becomes (as most of my future hopes I've had since I was a kid).  My preference is to just let life take it's course and try to figure things out as I go.  I fully expect plenty of exciting things to happen along the way.

P.S. Happy birthday Mo!

Further proof that my grandma is a trooper

For those of you who may be curious on an update...

Below is a large portion of a mass email that my uncle Jeff (from Virginia) sent this morning.  He does a good job of summing up the last couple of weeks since my grandma's open heart surgery on 7/2.  There's definitely been a lot of ups and downs for all of us.  Gina, the girls and I have spent most of our free time at the hospital with the rest of my extended family since surgery.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear family and friends, I returned yesterday from a week in MN, and I am very pleased to report that my mom is on the mend.  She has been moved from the Intensive Care Unit (ICU) to the Cardiac Care Unit (CCU), and she still is in serious condition.  But, and this is a big but, she is no longer in grave/critical condition, like she was a week ago.  When I left left for MN last Monday, I was braced for a funeral.  The doctors at that time thought she was declining and may not bounce back from the open heart surgery (aortic valve replacement).  But since Monday afternoon (7/9), she has been making slow but steady improvement. 

It was on her 82nd birthday, July 12th, that the ventilation tube and breathing tube were removed, and that has made a tremendous difference in her recovery.  She still has a main line going to her neck (which is supposed to be moved to her chest today) because she needs dialysis 2-3 times a week until her kidneys (hopefully) "wake up" and start functioning normally.  She also still has a post-op drainage tube for her chest, which we hope will be removed in the next day of so.  She is still confined to bed, but hopefully they will start getting her to sit up and dangle her legs, and begin some low level physical therapy.

She definitely still has a long way to go.  But we are greatly encouraged, as are the doctors, by her progress so far.  Of course she rests a lot, and still needs to get a good appetite back, but she is doing great.  She is lucid, and knows who we are when we visit with her, and is able to talk to us in complete and coherent sentences.

Thank you for your prayers for my Mom's recovery and for my family's health and stamina.  As most of you know this is a long and tiring process for those who love and support a person in this condition.  Please continue to keep them in your prayers.

Unfortunately, Torii has got to go

 

Before I start this post, I want to be clear that I am not looking forward to the day that Torii Hunter will no longer be roaming CF for our Minnesota Twins.  He has been the most enjoyable defensive player I have ever been able to watch consistently.  I loved Kirby and he was fantastic with his glove too, but based solely on D (in their primes) I'd take Torii over him and I wouldn't even have to consider it for very long.

He has been a good clubhouse leader too.  His personality is infectious and the team has definitely fed off it.  I think that is important to note.  However, Justin Morneau and Joe Mauer (while much quietier) now have the credentials to lead this team.  It no doubt will be different then how Torii did it, but that doesn't mean it will be any less effective.

Offensively, he is what he is.  He's streaky and when he is hot he's pretty darn good.  When he's cold, he can be a detriment at times.  He has holes in his swing and he's a great #6 hitter to me, but batting him any higher is not a good idea (especially because of the OBA).

His career numbers are:
.271 AVG   .324 OBA   .470 SLG   Six gold gloves

This year, he is having a great year and his numbers are all career bests:
.301 AVG   .342 OBA   .558 SLG

If those numbers are his topside capability, we can't spend $12-$15 million a year (for four or five years) to keep him.

His numbers compare slightly less favorable to other defensive CFs like Carlos Beltran (.280, .354, .491, 1GG) and Andruw Jones (.264, .343, .500, 9GG) and he is two years older then both of them.

Both players make about $13 million per season.  Torii currently makes $10.75 million.
It's not that I wouldn't like to see the cost conscience Twins keep him, but with Justin's contract still unresolved and the prospect of likely needing a minimum of five years and $100 million to keep Johan Santana (the best pitcher in baseball) after the 2008 season, we have bigger issues and bigger needs then Torii.  I feel that Johan and Justin must be kept, which ultimately makes Torii expendable.

Also, while the Twinkies are fun to watch and are doing all right this year it's not likely that they catch both the Tigers and Indians and go on the run we saw in the second half of last season. 

I say we move Torii before the trading deadline (while he is healthy) and get some pieces that will help keep this team competitive with the core players we have for the forseeable future.

The only thing worse then signing Torii to a five year, $70 million contract would be letting him walk at the end of the season while getting nothing more then a sandwich pick between the first and second round of next year's draft.

Minnesota Trail

We have a membership to the Minnesota Zoo because Gina brings the girls there once a week.  She likes to get out of the house in the mornings (and because Nattie loves it there).

On Saturday, we all went for the opening of the new Minnesota Trail.  We were one of the first ones through and we were extremely impressed.  The trail is partially inside and partially outside and feels very Minnesotan.  It is a huge improvement over the older version of the trail. 

 

The best part of the trip was seeing the female from the wolf exhibit put her front two paws on the glass right where the family in front of us was watching her from.  It was so neat to see.  I wish I would have had my camera ready.  It happened so quickly I couldn't get a picture. 

I also particularily enjoyed it when Nattie and I watched the dolphin show together.  After the dolphins did a trick, Nattie would clap and yell "yeah dolphins."  It was adorable.

The name game

Naming a child is significant.  Doing it twice now, I know what goes into it.

While I am somewhat extreme in my process (some of you know about the multiple steps that Gina begrudgingly partakes with me to decide), I feel it's important.  I had hoped to go to the hospital with two boy and two girl names in February.  After some agonizing conversations, we compromised on two boy names and five girl names.

Pre-parenthood, I use to believe that there was no way that a newborn looked like a certain name when they were less then 24 hours old, but I now know they do.  There are many theories why, but the one I tend to believe is that (right or wrong) people have preconceptions of what someone with a certain name looks like (hair color, the shape of nose/lips, etc.). 

Regardless, it's the main reason I personally don't agree with naming a child before birth (granted I do realize that there's no right or wrong way of doing it).

Thankfully, Macie definitely looked like a Macie (side note: Gina and I had a conversation last week and we decided that only two of the five girl names we brought to the hospital would have fit her and we chose one of them).

But...we are now paying the price for it.

Since her birth, the spelling of her name by others has been as follows:

Macie ~40%
Macy ~30% (this is generally the default if they are not sure on the spelling and the bigger long term issue as it is the most popular version of the name)
Maci ~20% (mostly because my grandma had the wrong spelling and perpetuated it to others)
Macey ~10%

I still feel as if we made the right choice with her name (and with the spelling of it).  But, Gina and I have sentenced MJ to a life of continuously spelling her name for others.

Sorry Macie.