Break on through to the other side

 

Around 10pm tonight, my grandma took her last breath.

Shortly after my post on Monday she relapsed and was moved back into ICU.  By Tuesday night, my grandma had decided it was her time to go.  Overall, her chances of regaining any quality of life had deceased significantly and she made the decision to stop all treatment on Wednesday morning.  Instead, she was given morphine to help her painlessly drift away.  They had thought it would take anywhere from 24-48 hours (mainly because dialysis was stopped).

Wednesday night, Gina and I were able to say our goodbyes.  At that point, the morphine had kicked in and she was no longer truly awake.  While the morphine helped her tremendously it also eliminated any two way communication, as she basically slept.  However, I still got the sense that she could hear us talk to her which I am thankful about.

My mom and her siblings were able to individually say goodbye to her earlier in the day when she was still aware and could respond on some level to them.

After spending much of the last couple of weeks at the hospital, we (Gina, the girls and I) left the hospital tonight around 8:30pm as nothing had changed with her all day.  I was planning to head back up very early tomorrow morning with the girls.  Shortly after getting home is when we got the call from my dad.  I wish I was there but much of the family was still around which I am happy about.  My grandpa had spent about a half hour with her alone just before she passed away.  Gina and I both believe that her letting go so abruptly had a lot to do with whatever he said to her during that time.

Considering everything that she was fighting over the last couple of years, we are so blessed to have had her with us as long as we did (and Gina and I are especially grateful that she was able to get to know both Natalie and Macie).  She was an amazing person.

My mom, Matt and Morgan were in the room when it happened.  However, the rest of the family was able to get to the room just seconds later.  After being in a comfortable rest for over 24 hours, she opened her eyes and stared up at the ceiling just before she took her last breath.  I was told it was very peaceful.

About ten years ago, I gave both my grandparents memories books to fill out if they wanted to.  My grandma was the only one to do it and she did an incredible job answering questions, adding pictures from her childhood, etc.

I have not read it yet.

For so long, I told myself that I wanted to wait until she was gone to go through it.  I thought that if I had something to look forward to after we lost her it might help me heal.  Looking back, I wish I would have sat down with her and asked her about all the answers that I undoubtedly would have wanted to learn more about.

There is good news in all of this though.  My grandma lost her mother in childbirth and was raised by her aunt Louise.  My guess is that shortly after finding my grandpa tonight, she went looking for her mom and then her aunt and she's probably having a wonderful time with them right now. 

While I (and the rest of my extended family) will miss her incredibly, she was at peace with her decision.  Without being selfish on some level, there is not much more we could ask for.

I love you grandma.

Further proof that my grandma is a trooper

For those of you who may be curious on an update...

Below is a large portion of a mass email that my uncle Jeff (from Virginia) sent this morning.  He does a good job of summing up the last couple of weeks since my grandma's open heart surgery on 7/2.  There's definitely been a lot of ups and downs for all of us.  Gina, the girls and I have spent most of our free time at the hospital with the rest of my extended family since surgery.

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Dear family and friends, I returned yesterday from a week in MN, and I am very pleased to report that my mom is on the mend.  She has been moved from the Intensive Care Unit (ICU) to the Cardiac Care Unit (CCU), and she still is in serious condition.  But, and this is a big but, she is no longer in grave/critical condition, like she was a week ago.  When I left left for MN last Monday, I was braced for a funeral.  The doctors at that time thought she was declining and may not bounce back from the open heart surgery (aortic valve replacement).  But since Monday afternoon (7/9), she has been making slow but steady improvement. 

It was on her 82nd birthday, July 12th, that the ventilation tube and breathing tube were removed, and that has made a tremendous difference in her recovery.  She still has a main line going to her neck (which is supposed to be moved to her chest today) because she needs dialysis 2-3 times a week until her kidneys (hopefully) "wake up" and start functioning normally.  She also still has a post-op drainage tube for her chest, which we hope will be removed in the next day of so.  She is still confined to bed, but hopefully they will start getting her to sit up and dangle her legs, and begin some low level physical therapy.

She definitely still has a long way to go.  But we are greatly encouraged, as are the doctors, by her progress so far.  Of course she rests a lot, and still needs to get a good appetite back, but she is doing great.  She is lucid, and knows who we are when we visit with her, and is able to talk to us in complete and coherent sentences.

Thank you for your prayers for my Mom's recovery and for my family's health and stamina.  As most of you know this is a long and tiring process for those who love and support a person in this condition.  Please continue to keep them in your prayers.

PRK me ASAP

Gina had the PRK laser vision correction procedure done on her eyes this morning.  I had put a significent amount of money in my HSA account for Macie's birth and we ended up only needed a small portion of it.  It's something she's always wanted and if it didn't happen this year it wasn't going to happen for many years based on our expenses, etc.

She just called me and let me know that everything went well.  She could read signs across the street already.  The eyes will take a few months to heal completely, but she was definitely pleased with the initial improvement.

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On a side note, my grandma was also suppose to have open heart surgery this morning.  She needs two heart valves replaced.  The surgeon said that if things were successful, the procedure should extend her life by years (lately her life expectancy has been discussed in months).  There is obviously risk whenever an 82 year old woman has her chest opened up, but the family decided that the risk was worth the potential reward.  It also helps that my grandma has a very conservative surgeon.

Unfortunately, they were unable to secure enough pints of blood (she has special antigens in her blood which makes it more difficult to match) and the procedure has been tenatively moved to Monday.

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My stress levels can now subside (at least until Monday).