What is your word?

Over the holidays, Morgan brought up an interesting topic with Gina and I.  She asked us to try and figure out our "word."  Before getting to far into my thoughts, I want to first add Morgan's explanation of this.  She was kind enough to write down her take for me.

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From Morgan:

Everybody has a word.  It is a word we think and are afraid describes us- and if anyone found out, it would be devastating. We end up devoting a great deal of time and energy to not being that word.  Avoiding it becomes the motivation for much of what we do.

Example- One woman’s word was lazy.   Deep down, she just knew she was lazy, and she hated the idea.  So instead, she filled her day with activity.  Now, the irony of the word is that by trying to avoid it, we become it.  The “lazy” woman would work to the point of burn out and then be unable to do things she needed to accomplish.  It made her lazy.

When you figure out your word, share it with people.  At first, it will be uncomfortable, but the more you say it, the less power it will have over you.  Friends and family who know your word will also better understand why you make certain decisions and can help you move past it.

Hints for finding your word:

• What trait would you hate to have others associate with you?
• What do you “know” about yourself that you keep hidden from others?
• Pay attention to your actions…Notice when you do things that aren’t necessary or don’t make sense.  See if you can figure out why you’re doing them.  This could lead to your word.

Happy Soul Searching!

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This is not an easy thing to do.  I know I didn't particularly enjoy thinking about my worst traits.  But, now that I know my word it was definitely worth the struggle.  One point that Morgan implied but did not specifically make above that makes this even more difficult is that in the process of trying to not be your word, you actually become the word (at times).

One other thing, try to avoid words that have prefixes/suffixes.  For example, lazy is a better word then unmotivated.  It's not that unmotivated can't be used though...all we are saying is that the word is negating the idea of being motivated which isn't as clean conceptually, that's all.  Saying you're lazy does that work all by itself.

After much deliberation, I've determined that my word is selfish. 

First of all, calling me selfish hurts a lot more then many other words that would generally be considered worse to use.

Secondly, I put a lot of effort into living my life unselfishly.  Whether it be trying to do things for others or simply in the day-to-day decisions I make, the word selfish influences choices that I make. 

Until Morgan brought this up, I just did the things I did because it felt right.  After thinking it though more, I do think that trying to unconsciously be unselfish does factor into some of the things I do.  And, doing this actually makes me sometimes act selfishly.  Essentially, I am capable of being so unselfish that it’s selfish.

Example (from before I knew my word): 

Gina and I setup plans to go see National Treasure with my parents, Matt and Morgan on January 2nd.  However, I needed to cancel an installation for our phone service to do so.  The cancellation was going to take twelve business days to move and we ended up having the kids’ home that day anyways so I kept the appointment. 

Prior to making a final decision on what we should do, I told Gina I'd really like to see the movie.  She said she was interested but didn't necessarily have to see it in the theater.  When it came to discussing it with the group, in front of everyone I told Gina she should go and that I'd stay home with the kids.  It's a classic case of me unselfishly being selfish.  It was clear that I wanted to see it more and Gina was truly OK with not going, yet I pushed her to go.  If she went, she would have felt guilty the whole time about going.  I would have sincerely been fine with not going but in some ways that's not important in the equation.

The point is that I need to do things for myself once in a while so that people like Gina don't feel guilty doing something like buying a pop while they are out running errands because she knows I wouldn't do that.

It will also be a good idea for me to sometimes think about my needs more as well.  I sometimes lose track of that and it's not necessarily a healthy thing to do.

In the end, I went to the movie and Gina stayed home.

Hopefully my example helps.

So, on that note, good luck finding your word.  I really think it's an exercise worth doing.  I know Morgan would completely agree too.  She knows her word too and really feels like it's significantly helped her to better understand herself.

It's likely not going to just come to you.  This is something that may take days or weeks to figure out.  I figured out mine pretty quickly but we are still very lost on Gina's word and it's been over a week now.  If you think you have your word, try to find examples that validate it.  I know I thought I had a few words before selfish but I couldn't really find applicable examples to support it.